From TheLiquidMuse.com

In the U.S., the average person uses the term “cocktail” the way they use “champagne," as a blanket, descriptive term to cover a category of beverages.  Most of the "cocktail menus" we see in our favorite lounges and bars are not necessarily made up of true cocktails.  They may be smashes or punches or crustas or daisies or other classifications of mixed drinks.  What the hell am I talking about, you ask?  Well, let’s begin with the definition of a cocktail:

Cocktail = Spirit + Water + Sugar + Bitters

* Spirit:  alcohol of some kind (vodka, gin, whiskey, rum, and so on)
* Water: can be tap or soda water, or in the form of ice
* Sugar: can be granulated sugar, simple syrup, or even a sweet liqueur
* Bitters: can be Angostura (found at any supermarket), or flavored bitters such as Fee’s rhubarb, grapefruit, peach, etc., or traditional Peychaud’s bitters, as used in the classic “Sazerac” cocktail, or even a bitter apertif / digestif such as Averna, Campari, Fernet Branca, etc.

There is so much room for creativity when it comes to designing a new cocktail, just as there is creating a special meal, or painting, or designing the latest ditty to drape over a model on the catwalk.  This creative factor is exactly what attracts so many of us “artsy types” behind the bar. I can wax poetic about my love of Campari, and go on about the myriad of novelties with using flavored bitters.  However, in this post, I want to share a bit about the “elite” bartender’s darling, that little Italian bitter sweetheart called Fernet Branca.

You know what I love about vodka, besides how smart and dashing it makes me? I love that you can manufacture the stuff out of practically anything: grain, grapes, potatoes, sugar beet molasses, ketchup . . . why, an enterprising distiller could mop the octagon after next week’s Randy Couture fight in Oregon and turn that into a passable vodka spirit, once he filters out the bits of flesh and teeth and such.

Not everyone in the vodka world is so open-minded. In fact, the so-called “Vodka Belt” countries (Russia, Poland, Ukraine, etc.) reserve the “vodka” designation exclusively for spirits distilled from grain, potato and sugar beet. Grape-based vodkas have to be called something else. “Decadent Westerner Pussy Juice” is commonly used. In deference to the Putinist vodka purists, we at The Imbiber have limited the following double-blind taste test to grain-based vodkas. Happy, comrades?

THE TASTE TEST
Our taste test was conducted using five well-known commercial vodkas, with a panel of three testers: Tester A (female, mid 30s, sensitive palate), Tester B (male, late 30s, medium palate) and Tester C (male, early 30s, semi-alcoholic). All vodkas were chilled and consumed straight.

Grey Goose
Arguably America’s leading premium brand, this high-priced tipple was the concoction of septuagenarian billionaire Sidney Frank, the booze visionary who first imported Jagermeister to the States. Frank suspected that Americans would pay above-slot for a vodka bottle emblazoned with the French tricolor and fitted with a classy cork top, so he set up a distillery in Cognac and started exporting it to the U.S. in 1997. It was an immediate commercial smash and has since become a favorite lyrical trope for hip-hop stars like L’il Jon (“The Goose/Got me loose”).

Our panel was surprised by the Goose’s comparatively pungent nose and rich body. Off-put at first, Tester A called it “kinda buttery and viscous.” Tester B lauded its “velvet” texture and stomach-soothing finish, which supports the old adage that first-rate vodka is felt, not tasted.

Suggested use: Dry martini